Running Latte 🕳️

Where Emma goes down the rabbit hole

Hey there my sexy readers! I don’t know about you but if this weather doesn’t stop having menopausal hot flushes I’m gonna blow. As ever, thank you for letting me into your inbox.❤️

In our modern world, it is very easy to disappear down the proverbial rabbit hole - so many distractions and shiny things for our minuscule magpie brains. 

I wonder, that despite the rigidity of our bodies, our minds with Parkinson’s become a little jumpy and easily derailed. Or mine certainly …oh look, squirrel!

Earlier this week it occurred to me that I had often questioned the impact of PD but not why did I get it. 

Before you put your hands up…I know there’s no proven cause, yet.

But I don’t think we can experience something as life-changing as this without wondering if perhaps there is a reason. Of course, questions of this sort always unfold a gigantic map of dead ends, shortcuts to conspiracy, and meandering paths that ultimately lead us knee-deep into a bog.

Side note: my skin looks a lot like the prehistoric folks that pop up in peat bogs occasionally, another funnn PD side effect!

Cut to the chase, Emma, why did you get Parkinson’s?

Erm. Ok, my favourite theory is stress/trauma based. To qualify, research has shown that people experience events differently. To some an event can be a majorly traumatic event to others barely registers. Naturally, we all have individual physiology and a mishmash of genetic stuff that also influences our bodies and how they respond.

My life is awesome but I have experienced significant and frequent trauma¹. I operate with permanent, low-grade hypervigilance where I feel my life situation is always fluid - subject to change in the blink of an eye. The ground beneath me is never really solid in my perception and as a result, I am always - ready.

I’m nearly 50 and it’s pretty much been this way from day one. I think you can see why I would associate my PD with a stress factor.

I doubt this correlates but I am going to draw the conclusion anyway. My symptoms are almost exclusively exacerbated by stress. Stress free it can be hard to notice I have PD, at least if you didn’t know me. And as with all stress, it can take a little while to show up. For example, it has taken until this week for my daughter’s illness to impact my PD.

I mean there is always a more esoteric take, perhaps I’m working off some bad karma/sin/appease the gods type stuff. It’s likely but that’s a post for another time.

I’d love to know why you think you have PD, hit reply or leave a comment.

As you may know I am a bit of a gamer, we have a ps5 and mostly play games together on the excuse they keep us sharpish. I have always loved the artistry, cleverness and stories of games and the communities they often build around them. We aren’t into anything too challenging mainly because at 50-odd our reflexes are shit!

We have been playing a little resource type game and it really has no difficulty rating. We get to chat and drink wine and run around a mini fantasy world for a few hours. But when my PD kicks in this becomes the Elden Ring² on nightmare mode for me. My brain can’t make choices, decisions or even hit the correct buttons on the controller.

It’s farcical and hilarious. Sort of. Wildly frustrating and although it’s exaggerated in a game, it’s happening across all my life at that moment. My verbal skills deteriorate alarmingly with all the words coming out in the wrong order or even the wrong word completely. It’s interesting that the cognitive aspect is the one that collapses most rapidly.

Do you experience an obvious and sudden breakdown of capacity? I’m not including off times with medication.

Anyway my lovelies, I’m off to enjoy either boiling sunshine or bitter winds.

with love
E xx

P.S. I had a rant over in my creative club you might enjoy:

Why?

1. Trauma doesn’t necessarily have to be dramatic - it’s more about how it impacts on our personality types or individual experience.

2. A very, impossibly, daftly hard game…where you die over and over and over before getting 2 yards into the world. Nightmare mode is exactly as you’d imagine…hard core.