Aches:

A common ailment within Parkinson’s. Essentially everything hurts, all the time but compared to every other problem we endure, not worth mentioning. Temporarily relieved by hot baths, red wine and focusing on the cost of inflation.

• Age:

An incurable inevitability. Parkinson’s exaggerates all the worse bits, even when you aren’t old. A widely held misconception is that only the old get Parkinson’s. Yey! 30 is the new 80…

• Agonists

They trick the brain into thinking it is receiving dopamine. Often used to delay the use of levodopa.

They collude with the chocolate industries to generate an overpowering need to consume. The lowering of blood pressure they create is not due to a wondrous sensation of relaxation. Or am I being paranoid?

• Anxiety

A deeply debilitating symptom frequently as a result of all the other symptoms. Often accompanied with the following: ‘Have you tried…

meditation-crystals-yoga-oxygen-stop being a drama queen-magnesium-sleep-not worrying-singing-yoga-drumming-running-CBD oil-chilling out-calming down-it’s not that bad-my friend has that-try positivity-yoga-getting out-sun salutation

To which the correct response is: ‘Just please, fuck OFF, thank you.’

• Apathy

….

lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern

….

• Arm Swing

Decreased arm swing is not another apathetic symptom but a bona fide early indicator of Parkinson’s. Generally experienced on one side, leads to a characterful lopsidedness.

A favourite of physiotherapists who inflict exercises that involve grovelling on all fours and groaning in agony.

Some ‘smug people with Parkinson’s’ who are not inflicted with apathy, invoke the Nordic Walking Pole as the ultimate power in the universe.

• Autonomic Dysfunction

All the stuff our bodies do without direct instruction? Well, forget it.

low blood pressure-bladder problems-palpitations-swallowing-sexual arousal-breathing-sleeping-body temperature-heart rate-drooling-loss of smell-sweating-digestion-dry eyes

On the plus side, Parkinson’s does provide lots of unexpected movements to make up for the slowing down of simply going to the loo.

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• Acceptance

In between aches, apathy and arggggg there is a place of solace.

We do begin to find positives, we do begin to pluck out magical moments. We learn to love this new version of ourselves. There is a loving, funny and supportive community out there, that keeps us going.

Oh, that would be YOU! My dearest readers, Thank you.